Why is it so expensive to send an email?

Sending an email is essentially the same as making an HTTPS request. You open a TCP connection to port 25, you do a little SSL handshake, and you send some data through. Most personal computers out there can easily do this thousands of times per second, so how can companies charge $15 to send 1000 emails?! Why do I need some 3rd party company involved at all?! I used to work at Google specifically on GMail, and nothing from my little corner of the product on the “tabbed inbox” team led me to a clear answer...

Unfortunately for me, I was determined to figure it out for myself!