📄

Your actual file
We buried the useful thing under recommendations

💳

Microsoft 365
You already pay for this. Pay harder.

🙂

Local Account (for now)

Power options

🌙 Sleep Shut down ↻ Restart 🟠 Update and shut down (estimated 4 min) 🟠 Update and restart (estimated 4 min)

✕

Clippy · Windows 11½ Guide
Hi, I’m Clippy. I’m here to help you get started with Windows 11½.

365

View ▸Sort by ▸Refresh

Ask Copilot about this desktopNew ▸

Display settingsPersonalize

ℹ️ About Windows 11½ — Definitely Not Windows

—▢✕

11½

Definitely Not Windows

Windows 11½

The operating system Microsoft definitely did not make.

Yes, this is a parody.
Definitely Not Windows / Windows 11½ is an independent, unofficial parody project created for humor, satire, and commentary. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, sponsored by, or approved by Microsoft Corporation.

What this is A fake operating-system experience making fun of modern software subscriptions, ads, AI features, updates, storage nags, and the tiny emotional journey involved in changing your default browser.

What this is not A real Microsoft product, service, login page, update, store, security warning, or subscription offer. Please do not give Clippy your password or credit card. He has not completed compliance training.

Clippy's visitor ledger Your browser gets a random anonymous ID so Clippy can assign it a persistent visitor number. The ledger is checking your file now. No name, email, password, or browser fingerprint is needed.

Why would you do that? Because a paperclip remembering that you are Visitor #… is funnier than a normal hit counter. Clearing this site's browser storage makes Clippy treat you like a suspiciously familiar new person.

Trademark note

Microsoft, Windows, Microsoft 365, Edge, Outlook, OneDrive, Teams, Xbox, and other referenced product names and marks belong to their respective owners. They are referenced here to identify the subjects of parody and commentary.

No endorsement is implied. Any resemblance to a stable, predictable operating system is purely coincidental.

Got it Ask Clippy to explain parody Extremely serious legal notes

This site is a joke. Buttons may pretend to install apps, sell subscriptions, break Windows, summon AI, or ruin your evening with an update. None of those actions are real. No Microsoft credentials are requested or required. The optional visitor counter uses a randomly generated ID stored in this browser plus a server-side visitor number, visit count, and timestamps. It does not need your name, email, password, or browser fingerprint. If a fake dialog says your storage is full, your real storage is probably fine. Probably.

🌐 Microsoft Edge — Recommended by Microsoft, your mother, and Microsoft

—▢✕

← → ⟳

https://www.google.com/chrome/

☆ ⋯

🌐

Whoa there.

You appear to be downloading another browser.

Microsoft Edge uses the same technology as Chrome, except we're already here and harder to remove.

Use Microsoft Edge
Continue to Chrome anyway

Browser-choice guilt will appear here.

🟦 W Document1 — Word

—▢✕

File Home Insert Draw Design Layout References Review View Help ✨ Copilot

Calibri-ish 11 B I U ⬅ ⬆ ⬇ Share AutoSave: aggressively ON

Quarterly Report

Revenue increased by 8% this quarter, mostly because every product became a subscription.

Customer retention remained stable while software licensing expenses continued their inspiring journey upward.

⚠ Editing is disabled.

Your Microsoft 365 subscription is active, but Word would like you to prove it again.

Sign in to activateAsk me every 4 minutes

You can still admire the document you’re apparently not allowed to edit.

🟩 E Book1 — Excel

—▢✕

fx =SUM(B2:B8)

Upgrade Microsoft 365 to use SUM()

📧 Outlook (new) (not the old new one)

—▢✕

✨ You're using the new Outlook. We moved everything again.Go back to classic Outlook

Outlook ✏️ New mail 📥 Inbox 17 ⭐ Favorites 3 📤 Sent 🗑 Deleted 412 🚫 Junk Email 6,904 ✨ Copilot summaries

Mailbox: 14.99 GB of 15 GB
Microsoft recommends panicking.

⚙

Welcome to the new Outlook

Microsoft Outlook • Today

We removed several features to make room for a cleaner experience and also ads.

Mailbox almost full
You have 10.2 MB remaining. That's enough for approximately one email from Teams containing a 9 MB company logo.

Tip: Can't find a feature? That's intentional.

Try to use COM add-insUpgrade storage

🟪 T Microsoft Teams

—▢✕

Ready to join?

Camera: Working
Microphone: Working
Speaker: Default device

Test microphoneJoin now

✨ Microsoft Copilot (Preview of the preview)

—▢✕

＋ New chat Web Work Your PC ✨ Get Copilot Pro Max-ish

What can I misunderstand for you?

Now with deeper integration into things that worked fine before.

Hi! I'm Copilot. I can summarize your files, rewrite your emails, rearrange your settings, and occasionally answer the question you asked.

🚫 Turn off Copilot
See how far that gets you 🔄 Explain my shutdown
A philosophical question 🌐 Install Chrome
Copilot has concerns 🔐 Summarize my privacy
This may take a while 🛠 Fix my PC
What could go wrong? 📎 Explain Clippy 365
Corporate archaeology ⚡ Make Windows faster
This will somehow open Edge 📧 Draft a complaint
Copilot will soften it into praise

Using: Bing • OneDrive • 12,441 Recall snapshots • confidence

＋🎤➤

Copilot can make mistakes. Windows can make them permanent.

⚙️ Settings

—▢✕

Settings

🏠 System📶 Bluetooth & devices🌐 Network & internet🎨 Personalization📱 Apps👤 Accounts🕒 Time & language🎮 Gaming♿ Accessibility🔐 Privacy & security🔄 Windows Update

System

Copilot
Let Windows help whether you asked or not

Show recommendations, tips, shortcuts, app promotions, occasional offers, and things we swear aren't ads

Activation
Windows is activated with a digital license.

Troubleshoot

Default apps
Microsoft Edge is the recommended browser for Windows.

Change anyway

Advanced sound settings
This setting has moved three times.

Open

Fix Windows
Recommended if you have attempted productivity.

Fix everything

📊 Task Manager

—▢✕

Processes

☁️ OneDrive

—▢✕

Your files are “safely” in OneDrive

Including the stuff you specifically thought was only on your computer.

5.01 GB of 5 GB used

Storage full. Desktop, Documents, Pictures, and probably your emotional baggage may stop syncing.

Upgrade storageStop syncing

🧠 Recall — Your privacy is our priority*

—▢✕

Search everything you've ever done

🔎

*Priority level subject to product roadmap.

🔄 Windows Update

—▢✕

Updates are underway.

3%

Please keep your computer on.

Estimated time remaining: 4 minutes*

*Estimate generated randomly.

🗑️ Recycle Bin

—▢✕

This folder is empty.

Classic Control Panel was here a moment ago.

Restore Control Panel

🧮 Calculator

—▢✕

0

📎 Clippy — Official Windows 11½ Guide

—▢✕

📎👀

Oh great, they brought me back.

Copilot missed its quarterly targets, so Microsoft found me in a ZIP file from 1998 and slapped “365” on me and called it innovation.

📋 Clippy's Definitely-Not-Telemetry Ledger

CONNECTING

*—* Your visitor #

*—* Your visits

*—* People catalogued

Clippy is checking the filing cabinet. This is taking longer than it did in Office 97.

Clippy 365 Personal TRIAL AVAILABLE

$6.99/month after a 7-day trial

Get personalized guidance, priority suggestions, extended Visitor Ledger history, and enhanced help across Windows 11½. Clippy remains included with Windows; Clippy 365 simply makes him more difficult to avoid.

Start free trialCompare plans

Help me writeWhat do you know about me?Fix WindowsAsk Copilot insteadGo away, Clippy

Clippy: It looks like you're trying to get something done. That's adorable.

🛍️ Microsoft Store — Quality is a community feature

—▢✕

Microsoft Store

🏠 Home▦ Apps🎮 Gaming📚 Library⬇ Downloads👤 Account

🔎 Search

Sponsored-ish

Apps you never knew you needed

Because the useful version is buried three rows down.

Surprise me

Top free apps*

*Free to install. Existing afterward may require purchases.

🃏 Microsoft Solitaire Collection — now with recurring revenue

—▢✕

New gameHintUndoDaily ChallengeScore: 0** Ads avoided: **0

Klondike-ish

Click cards. Actual rules are considered a legacy feature.

💣 Minesweeper+ — Xbox sign-in recommended for explosions

—▢✕

New gameAI HintRemove ads💣 10

📝 Untitled — Notepad

—▢✕

FileSaveNew tab✨ Rewrite with Copilot

Shopping list: - Milk - Bread - Find the setting that turns off recommendations - Give up

Ln 4, Col 10 100% Windows (CRLF)

🎨 Untitled — Paint

—▢✕

🖌 Brush⌫ EraserClear canvas💾 Save✨ CocreatorAI credits remaining: *3*

🛡️ Windows Security

—▢✕

✅

Your device is secure-ish

No action needed, unless you downloaded a browser we didn't suggest.

Virus & threat protection
Last scan: conveniently recent

Quick scan

Potentially unwanted app
ChromeSetup.exe

Quarantine

Microsoft Edge
19 background processes. Totally normal.

Ignore forever

🖼️ Microsoft Photos

—▢✕

Photos

Import Back up everything

🏖️
Vacation.jpg🧾
Receipt.png🔑
passwords-final-FINAL.png🖥️
Screenshot (847).png🐈
Cat_0042.jpg☁️
WhyIsThisInOneDrive.jpg

✂️ Snipping Tool

—▢✕

+ New 🎥 Record 💾 Save ✨ Explain screenshot

Your desktop, but flatter

Ready to capture something Recall probably already captured.

🎮 Xbox — Game Pass launcher launcher

—▢✕

Welcome back, Player_847291

Game Pass Ultimate Ultimate may be required for some buttons.

Sign in again Update Gaming Services

Solitaire Collection

Installed • 2.4 GB somehow

Play

Minesweeper+

Cloud save conflict: 1 cell

Play

Call of Duty: Update

Update required: 184 GB

Update

Age of Empires XXXVII

Coming soon to a subscription tier near you

Pre-install

Microsoft Flight Simulator

Install size: your remaining SSD

Install

Settings

The hardest game on Windows

Play

Totally original 80s interruption

🕺

You have been legally distinctly rickrolled

You know exactly what this is referencing. Legal would like to emphasize that the song you are thinking of is not playing.

Return to productivityReplay suspiciously cheerful jingleExplain this to Legal⚠ DO NOT CLICK THIS

Seriously. It leaves this site. There is no business reason to press it.

Original synthesized jingle. No recording, lyrics, or melody from “Never Gonna Give You Up” is used.

:(

Your device ran into a problem because you clicked “Fix Windows.” That was dumb.

We're collecting some error info, and then we'll restart for you. Also, we've enabled several optional experiences.

0% complete

Stop code: USER_ATTEMPTED_PRODUCTIVITY
What failed: subscription_manager.sys

Shutting down

Please don't turn off your PC.

Windows is taking its time for your convenience.